Saturday, January 10, 2009

IUI #1.....failed.

Well, the visitor that we least wanted to see officially showed up - she's pretty bummed. Happy is not a word I would use to describe my current demeanor as well. I guess that's the downside of being so optimistic. The higher you ride the farther you fall.

The good news is her progesterone levels were up this week confirming an actual ovulation - they were low the last time we had them checked. We only got to do one IUI because of New Year's day being a holiday. This month we'll do two and then head off to Colorado to go skiing - which I am sure will do little to keep her mind off things but it should be fun. More good news - she got to enjoy a guilt free cup of coffee this morning. Ahhh, the little things....

Maybe I'll get her to have some wine tonight. She's been drinking sparkling cranberry juice out of a wine glass - she killed a whole bottle in 12 hours.

This morning I am going to attempt to cheer her up - I have some gift certificates from Xmas that I'm going to make her use at the mall. Shoes, purses, puppies, movies with Anne Hathaway or Keri Russell - what ever it takes to cheer her up. Hell, maybe I should get her another puppy. :) If you knew my wife, she's about as girly as they get and LOVES these types of things - especially puppies. Its her drug of choice. My dislike (except for dogs) for them is trumped by me mission to make her smile. I'll watch a chick flick if I have to...

So wish me luck and thank you all for all the positive support thus far - it really does soften the blow.

Monday, January 5, 2009

Getting IF out in the open...

When we initially found out we were not going to have a child without 'help' we kept it to ourselves. It was pretty tough at first - we were scared to death about the money, the time, and if we would ever have a baby and all the stress & anxiety that goes along with not knowing something so BIG in your life.

At first my wife didn't want to tell anyone - it took some convincing to get an agreement to tell her parents. Once we did, I think a small weight was lifted off our shoulders - sort of like a cheerleading section. It still felt like there was a ton of weight up there but it was noticeably better.

Then at good times we ended up telling our siblings, close friends, etc. Neither of us are good at keeping secrets so it was bound to happen. I don't tell anyone else but when my wife feels like it she does - it doesn't bother me. I would rather have people thinking about us and being in our corner then constantly having to come up with different answers to "So, when are you going to start a family?" It gets really old - fast.

So, I'm curious what other's philosophies are on this - what they did, what they plan to do, etc.

My vote is to do what makes you feel better - and I would leave it ultimately up to the one who is actually Fertility Challenged. (we like that term better)

Update on us: Just keeping the fingers crossed. My wife has a blood test for progesterone levels on Wed. and then she can take a HPT a week later.

Friday, January 2, 2009

IUI Complete

Ok - we had our first IUI on Wednesday. That was interesting...

It was 7 in the morning - and the 'no nonsense' nurse takes me to the collection room. She shows me what to do with the sample and leaves. As soon as the door shuts I got this strange feeling that there was porn all around me. The room was very plain except for this odd metal cabinet with several drawers.

I've heard of this type of 'encouragement' but didn't really believe it. I couldn't quite get my head around the fact that these nurses probably had the task of stocking this thing. It just didn't seem like something that would happen.

I pulled the top drawer open and about fell over - I know this probably isn't news to anyone else out there but I was shocked. There was everything from regular mainstream magazines to sex stories printed out on an ink jet printer.

So I make the deposit - and go and sit with my wife. There is another couple in the waiting room as well. A couple minutes after I sat back down the guy had his name called. He hops up and pulls a portable DVD player out of his bag in the most obvious manner I could imagine. Kisses his partner and goes in.

90 seconds later he reappears; DVD player in hand and never missed a beat.

I don't mean to make this sound juvenile - my wife and I were in awe at how nonchalant about it he was. It was pretty funny. I think it helped my wife to get her mind off of things...

Anyway, fingers are crossed. I hope this works!

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Merry Christmas!!!!

We just wanted to wish everyone a Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays and the best of luck with IF in the new year.

Our first IUI is going to be sometime at the beginning of next week. I am nervously optimistic and am still keeping the faith. I feel good about it.

Everyone out there in blog land have been so wonderful. You've opened my eyes to things I didn't quite understand at first.

Its helped me tremendously as an outlet and I will keep all of you in my prayers this Holiday Season.


Saturday, December 20, 2008

Great reception to first post.

I just wanted to thank everyone who responded. I really got a lot of comfort out of that and am very encouraged and appreciative. I guess we all need a few cheerleaders in our sections.

Some thought that there are very good and obvious reasons to share my feelings with my wife. I guess I just don't see it....maybe I haven't learned enough from the journey yet or haven't went far enough. She knows I hurt. I just think if I show it she'll feel even more guilty and I don't think thats what she needs right now. I'm here for her - I'm fine.

I just don't want her (and therefore our) problems with IF or anything in life to be broader than my shoulders. I have places to go and people to talk to. I talk to my parents, siblings, etc. I'm not saying I am correct in this, I just don't see it any other way right now.

If anyone would care to expand on their feelings to the contrary I would be more than happy to listen and learn openmindedly.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

New to this...

I am attempting to find an outlet or 'vent' if you will. I thought this might be a good place to start. I am 'the support' for my wife. I believe that this wonderful journey we call infertility shouldn't include me complaining, crying, being sad, moping or anything of the like. She has enough to deal with.

At first I don't think she quite understood why I was choosing not to talk to her about my difficulties with all of this. She knows they are there and thats about the extent of it. I talk to my parents and thats about it. I am doing just fine - I am here for her, thats my job in all of this. Well, that and being the sperm emporium.

I guess I want a few things to come of this:

1. Have some sort of emotional outlet.
2. Learn a little bit about what's to come - we are coming up on our first IUI.
3. And hopefully provide a little help in some form to other people in the same situation along the way.

Bottom line - this sucks. Emotionally, physically, financially,! All of it. Its pretty overwhelming at times. I guess the hard part for me is not showing any vulnerability in front of my wife. She feels guilty enough...I don't need to add to it and I'm pretty firm in that belief. She sometimes talks about how its her and not me so therefore not fair to me - I honestly have never thought of it like that, not even once. Its us and only us, I just wish I would be the one to have to get prodded and drugged. She doesn't deserve this.

Latest lesson learned:

Medical bills should never be underestimated. :)