Wednesday, December 17, 2008

New to this...

I am attempting to find an outlet or 'vent' if you will. I thought this might be a good place to start. I am 'the support' for my wife. I believe that this wonderful journey we call infertility shouldn't include me complaining, crying, being sad, moping or anything of the like. She has enough to deal with.

At first I don't think she quite understood why I was choosing not to talk to her about my difficulties with all of this. She knows they are there and thats about the extent of it. I talk to my parents and thats about it. I am doing just fine - I am here for her, thats my job in all of this. Well, that and being the sperm emporium.

I guess I want a few things to come of this:

1. Have some sort of emotional outlet.
2. Learn a little bit about what's to come - we are coming up on our first IUI.
3. And hopefully provide a little help in some form to other people in the same situation along the way.

Bottom line - this sucks. Emotionally, physically, financially,! All of it. Its pretty overwhelming at times. I guess the hard part for me is not showing any vulnerability in front of my wife. She feels guilty enough...I don't need to add to it and I'm pretty firm in that belief. She sometimes talks about how its her and not me so therefore not fair to me - I honestly have never thought of it like that, not even once. Its us and only us, I just wish I would be the one to have to get prodded and drugged. She doesn't deserve this.

Latest lesson learned:

Medical bills should never be underestimated. :)


  1. Welcome to blogland! You will find some tremendous support and great information out here. Where ever you are and whatever you are going through someone out here has been there and done that and are willing to help or just listen.

  2. Welcome to the blogosphere...sorry you're here under these circumstances. You will find alot of supportive people here. Just a word of assvice, you may not think you should show your vulnerability now, but there will come a time when your wife will NEED to see it to know that you're hurting as much as she is. Our struggle took us almost 5 years, and 2 rounds of IVF. But if I didn't know that he hurt as much as I did, it would have made that struggle more unbearable than it was.

    Good luck on your upcoming's hoping that that's as far into the world of infertility that you have to travel.

  3. Welcome!

    Your bottom line is spot on.

    However you are allowed to whine, cry, complain and do what ever else it takes to get through this sucky journey.

    Though I hope for you that it is short, and that your IUI is successful.

  4. Welcome to the blogging world even if the suckiness of ART brought you here. I agree medical bills should never be underestimated. It's sort of like when you decide to do a house renovation. It's always more expensive than anticipated.

  5. Just wanted to welcome you to the IF blog world, sorry that you have to jump in but you are amongst good company! I came across your blog from Mel's 'Lost and Found'. I hope that your journey is short and that the IUI does the trick for you. From a female pov I admire you being the rock for your wife, and it's ok for rocks to sometimes cry too!!

  6. Welcome! We love to read what men are thinking. I'm "the support" too, because my husband doesn't have any sperm, so I can relate to being with a partner who feels guilty that it's their fault.

    There are great people online that can completely understand how you feel, and blogs are great for venting!

  7. I think it is awesome you are finding an outlet. Really healthy too. I also think it is but one example of why you will make a great dad.

  8. Medical bills are nasty things! Welcome to the blog world, hope to hear more from you soon :)

  9. Welcome! I am sorry you found your wy to blogging through the experience of IF but it is a great outlet for your feelings and this community is a wealth of knowledge and support. Vent on.

  10. Welcome to the blog world. I wish it was under different circumstances. We too will start IUI soon but this is not our first trip to the infertility world. We spent 3 years TTC #1. I honestly never thought we would be here again but it was DH that wanted to try again. I agree that there will come a point where you will need to open up to your wife. She needs to know that you too have mixed feelings about this journey. Best of luck to you and your wife.

  11. Your wife is very lucky to have your support & its good to see a male point of view on this subject. Maybe you will help me work out what my partner is thinking lol.