I just wanted to thank everyone who responded. I really got a lot of comfort out of that and am very encouraged and appreciative. I guess we all need a few cheerleaders in our sections.
Some thought that there are very good and obvious reasons to share my feelings with my wife. I guess I just don't see it....maybe I haven't learned enough from the journey yet or haven't went far enough. She knows I hurt. I just think if I show it she'll feel even more guilty and I don't think thats what she needs right now. I'm here for her - I'm fine.
I just don't want her (and therefore our) problems with IF or anything in life to be broader than my shoulders. I have places to go and people to talk to. I talk to my parents, siblings, etc. I'm not saying I am correct in this, I just don't see it any other way right now.
If anyone would care to expand on their feelings to the contrary I would be more than happy to listen and learn openmindedly.
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You are new here so I don't know anything about you or your wife. Everyone is different and you know your wife best. Please take this as only my feelings and not assvice.
ReplyDeleteI like to know what The D is feeling. I always knew our situation upset him but when he ws putting on a brave face for me I began to feel resentful. I wondered how he could not be affected by this like I was. I felt alone; like I was the only one really going through this. I began talking to close friends and family instead of him. That was the last thing he wanted. He wanted to be the one who was there for me. When he finally opended up to me I can't tell you the relief I felt. For the first time, I truly felt like a team. Not to mention that to be there for someone else was sometimes exactly what I needed. I love that he wanted to take care of me, he is a wonderful man. But, I am a big girl. I don't need a caretaker. I need a partner.
Wow this is an absurdly long comment and probably more than you wanted to hear. It may be the longest I have ever left. I promise to keep it short and sweet in the future.
I also really appreciate the opportunity to get the male perspective on infertility. My husband doesn't really talk about it to me, so I assumed that he doesn't care, but perhaps that's not a good assumption. Good luck with the IUI! We just did our first IUI last cycle.
ReplyDeleteWelcome to the infertility blogosphere!
ReplyDeleteFor me, blogging has helped me to communicate about IF with my husband. There are things that in the past I would have kept from him, but because he reads my blog, he ends up learning them. Sometimes I wait to let him read it, and sometimes I tell him first before posting.
So, my question to you is whether you'll have your wife read your blog. Plenty of IF bloggers don't have their partners read so that they can feel free to express themselves, but for us, increased honesty is the way to go.
However you decide to proceed, best of luck to you!
I am likely the last one to give relationship advice as a single mama by choice, and also queer to boot but here is my take. In ALL relationships I think honesty is good. In the close ones, the ones with partners or chosen family or family I think the more you are real and whole to one another in respectful ways the better. I think sharing with your wife all of you, the fears and the strength will only add to your bond and closeness.
ReplyDeleteI am not saying to harp on stuff, but showing her your fears, letting her know all the stuff, to me, seems like it would be comforting to her, knowing you are in it emotionally and feeling too, knowing you are "human" with those emotions too.
As a woman I am not always about "fix it but more often about "discuss it" and without any need for resolution so I think your wife may gain from that from you as well.
Just my thoughts though.
Good luck