Thursday, December 25, 2008

Merry Christmas!!!!

We just wanted to wish everyone a Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays and the best of luck with IF in the new year.

Our first IUI is going to be sometime at the beginning of next week. I am nervously optimistic and am still keeping the faith. I feel good about it.

Everyone out there in blog land have been so wonderful. You've opened my eyes to things I didn't quite understand at first.

Its helped me tremendously as an outlet and I will keep all of you in my prayers this Holiday Season.


Saturday, December 20, 2008

Great reception to first post.

I just wanted to thank everyone who responded. I really got a lot of comfort out of that and am very encouraged and appreciative. I guess we all need a few cheerleaders in our sections.

Some thought that there are very good and obvious reasons to share my feelings with my wife. I guess I just don't see it....maybe I haven't learned enough from the journey yet or haven't went far enough. She knows I hurt. I just think if I show it she'll feel even more guilty and I don't think thats what she needs right now. I'm here for her - I'm fine.

I just don't want her (and therefore our) problems with IF or anything in life to be broader than my shoulders. I have places to go and people to talk to. I talk to my parents, siblings, etc. I'm not saying I am correct in this, I just don't see it any other way right now.

If anyone would care to expand on their feelings to the contrary I would be more than happy to listen and learn openmindedly.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

New to this...

I am attempting to find an outlet or 'vent' if you will. I thought this might be a good place to start. I am 'the support' for my wife. I believe that this wonderful journey we call infertility shouldn't include me complaining, crying, being sad, moping or anything of the like. She has enough to deal with.

At first I don't think she quite understood why I was choosing not to talk to her about my difficulties with all of this. She knows they are there and thats about the extent of it. I talk to my parents and thats about it. I am doing just fine - I am here for her, thats my job in all of this. Well, that and being the sperm emporium.

I guess I want a few things to come of this:

1. Have some sort of emotional outlet.
2. Learn a little bit about what's to come - we are coming up on our first IUI.
3. And hopefully provide a little help in some form to other people in the same situation along the way.

Bottom line - this sucks. Emotionally, physically, financially,! All of it. Its pretty overwhelming at times. I guess the hard part for me is not showing any vulnerability in front of my wife. She feels guilty enough...I don't need to add to it and I'm pretty firm in that belief. She sometimes talks about how its her and not me so therefore not fair to me - I honestly have never thought of it like that, not even once. Its us and only us, I just wish I would be the one to have to get prodded and drugged. She doesn't deserve this.

Latest lesson learned:

Medical bills should never be underestimated. :)